In what has to be the BEST imitation/parody of the EL James hit, is Fifty Shades of Chicken. I'm so over Fifty Shades of Gray. I stopped following one of my favorite mommy-websites because they beat (pun intended) the subject to death! Every day they would post at least 5 Fifty Shades-related blog posts and still do to this day. Make it stop!!!
Since those books made it big, there have been so many erotica-filled wannabes and just as many parodies. This has to be the best parody yet, in the form of a cookbook. I can't wait to pick this up. Besides making fun of all the cheesy lines in Fifty Shades of Gray, it also has real recipes to use! Check out the excerpt below:
BarnesandNoble.com
"Oh, chicken, did you just cluck at me?”
Crap.
“No,” I squawk hoarsely.
“I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
“My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
I know what his hard cooking is like.
“I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
“Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
Give me a B!
Whack.
Give me an L!
Whack.
Give me an A!
Whack.
Give me a D! E! S!
Whack whack whack.
What does that spell?
Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness.
“You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
I must remember to cluck at him more often.
Mustard Spanked Chicken
roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic
Serves 4
1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons minced fresh basil
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper.
Crap.
“No,” I squawk hoarsely.
“I believe you did. Yes, you did. You remember what I said I’d do to you if you clucked?”
Aw, jeez. “Yes.” I pause before I add, “Yes, Chef.”
“My word is my bond,” he crows. “I’m going to spank you. And then I will cook you, very hot and hard.”
I know what his hard cooking is like.
“I’m not sure I can take any more quite yet,” I whine.
“Stamina, Miss Hen,” he says brightly.
My inner goddess has donned a tiny cheerleader’s uniform and starts to chant.
Give me a B!
Whack.
Give me an L!
Whack.
Give me an A!
Whack.
Give me a D! E! S!
Whack whack whack.
What does that spell?
Control freak poultry-beater, that’s what it spells. But I don’t fancy another swat, so I manage to keep the thought to myself for once.
He roasts me gently until I reach sweet doneness.
“You are a most beautiful sight,” he says, pulling me out of the Wolf. “And your smell is intoxicating.”
Afterward, everywhere he spanked me is stinging and warm. The experience was humiliating and mustardy and unbelievably hot. I definitely don’t want him to do that to me again. But now that it’s over I have this warm, safe, golden brown afterglow. I feel contented, and totally confused.
I must remember to cluck at him more often.
Mustard Spanked Chicken
roasted chicken with mustard, fresh basil, and garlic
Serves 4
1 (3½- to 4-pound) chicken, patted dry with paper towels
1 teaspoon coarse kosher salt, more to taste
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 teaspoons minced fresh basil
2 garlic cloves, minced
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1. Rub the chicken all over, including the cavity, with the salt and pepper.
2. In a small bowl, stir together the mustard, basil, and garlic and slap it hard onto the bird everywhere you just rubbed the salt and pepper. Refrigerate overnight or for at least 1 hour so it can recover.
3. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place a rack in a roasting pan.
4. Carefully lay the bird on the rack, breast down. Drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the oil. Roast for 30 minutes. Thrust a wooden spoon into the chicken cavity and flip the bird over so the breasts are up; drizzle with remaining oil. Continue to roast until the bird is golden brown and quite done, about 30 to 40 minutes longer. Enjoy.
I don't know.... I think Fifty Shades of Bacon might be the best 50 Shades parody out there. It does, however, contain straightforward and interesting bacon recipes of all kinds! From our version of Mac & Cheese, to Bacon wrapped in asparagus with creamy Gorgonzola sauce to Bacon Ice Cream.... it has a bit for everybody. It is available to order and ship today on Amazon or at www.fiftyshadesofbacon.com
ReplyDeleteI am a little biased though as I am one of the co-authors on the porky parody.
Wow, that's awesome! I didn't see Fifty Shades of Bacon when I looked. I'm not a huge fan of bacon myself, but I'm sure my hubby would get a kick out of it!
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