What I Learned from French Mommies

I recently read Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman about one woman's quest to learn how French moms do what they do. 

Cover from us.penguingroup.com

French parenting seems to be the latest fad after Tiger Mothering. While outsiders may find it strict, it's actually quite laissez-faire within the "cadre". Cadre meaning the "frame" of the parent-child relationship. French children are given strict boundaries, but are free to explore and do whatever they want in those boundaries. While I won't give you an entire synopsis of the book, these are the things I walked away with that I may try within our own home:

Goûter- this is the afternoon snack that every French child has at 4PM. They don't snack or have desserts at any other time of the day. They have three meals per day (8 AM, 12 PM and 8PM), all of which have several courses, but goûter is when children have their one snack. An example of why this is good is this: You are food shopping with your child. They spot the most delicious thing in the world. While many American families would give in and say "Ok, sweetheart, you can have this candy", the French would say "Ok, my dear, you can have this for goûter." The next time the American child spots a candy bar, they are more likely to melt down and throw a tantrum if her parents say no. This stops the "I want it NOW!" demand. The delayed gratification teaches children patience. Maybe I should try this on myself, not just Landon!

Adult time-no, I don't mean kinky stuff! It's the time of the evening when the children should be reading in their room or sleeping. Allowing the parents to wind down, relax and drink wine. There is no baby talk, toys, or loud noises. If the child is awake and in the parents' presence, they must respect adult time and leave their parents alone! That sounds like a good one to me!

The Pause or "le pause"- for new parents, it's le only way to teach babies autonomy. It's also known in America as "crying it out", although not as harsh as that. The theory is that if a baby is crying in his crib, give him 5 minutes (or so) before you go and check up on him. By giving him 5 minutes, the baby learns eventually to self-soothe. This also helps in getting babies to sleep through the night. 

And lastly, big eyes-or as my family likes to call it, "The Look". This is not something new to me, but I figured I'd mention it since it has such profound effects. "The Look" was a signature facial expression that my mom created many years ago. It's meant to convey "Are you kidding me?", "No, you will not do that" and "You better listen to me, or else you're grounded". It's completely non-verbal. "The Look" says it all. Being my mother's spawn, my genes are programmed for it. Bartek knows it very well and soon, Landon will too. The French know the power of "big eyes", too. That is how they always get their children to listen to them.


Druckerman has many different French parenting ideologies in her book, but these are the ones that I thought would be the most useful for us. Would you do any of these?